I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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