Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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