is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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