what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wear drunk well.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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