im about as happy as oj after his trial
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
