Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
