I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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