Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize