oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
