I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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