I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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