so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
