I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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