I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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