u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
