Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
