$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
