it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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