i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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