I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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