how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
