Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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