"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
