So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
