I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found the puke drawer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
