im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
