We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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