Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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