I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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