I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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