Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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