she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
