omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
