don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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