Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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