I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
