the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
