are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
