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apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
