i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
