so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
