I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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