it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
