Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
