Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
