i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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