the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
