dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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