I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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