If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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