UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
