I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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