4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You just made me feel so damn special
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
