So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
