We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're too hungover to prance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
