My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
