Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
