Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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