i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
