I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
