oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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