I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
