so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
