If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
