if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
