btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
