Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located