she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast