Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.

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(847): john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer. http://tfl.nu/ic81

Replies (5) Good night (572) Bad night (2867)
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(914): View more from New York

Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning

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(914): Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning http://tfl.nu/cata

Replies (56) Good night (1089) Bad night (5136)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

(1-812): View more from Indiana

You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

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(812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo

Replies (15) Good night (7398) Bad night (965)
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(419): View more from Ohio

we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

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(419): we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it. http://tfl.nu/duoc

Replies (37) Good night (3469) Bad night (4719)
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(207): View more from Maine

her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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(207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj

Replies (21) Good night (5267) Bad night (2109)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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(505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u

Replies (5) Good night (3277) Bad night (941)
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(845): View more from New York

That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

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(845): That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot... http://tfl.nu/l2p1

Replies (3) Good night (2170) Bad night (707)
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(614): View more from Ohio

You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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(614): You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you. http://tfl.nu/0odh

Replies (8) Good night (2062) Bad night (655)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.

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(602): I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now. http://tfl.nu/tbsd

Replies (24) Good night (2274) Bad night (733)
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(240): View more from Maryland

SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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(240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy

Replies (18) Good night (753) Bad night (2326)
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(317): View more from Indiana

This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.

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(317): This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new. http://tfl.nu/2l1q

Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (343)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.

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(702): Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos. http://tfl.nu/ooli

Replies (5) Good night (290) Bad night (583)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...

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(919): If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know... http://tfl.nu/u1x9

Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (1019)
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(614): View more from Ohio

don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

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(614): don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can" http://tfl.nu/nm9b

Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (321)
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(425): View more from Washington

It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that

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(425): It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that http://tfl.nu/4xxj

Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (287)

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