In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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