honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.