I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.