i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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