I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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