even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
