dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
