looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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