Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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