You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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