the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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