your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
