she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
