omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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