watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
