Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
