i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
