Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
