just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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