I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
