this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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