bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
