it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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