Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
